1) While you may not always admire or feel pleased about everything you DO, you basically like and accept who you ARE. This does not mean you have to be perfect. This also does not mean that you have to like and accept every single thing about yourself. It simply means that you feel that who you are is basically okay, and you are not ashamed to be this person.

2) You take care of yourself. This begins with taking care of your physical health, but also involves making sure other basic needs are met. In general, it means that you value and nurture your own well-being.

3) You respect yourself. People who have self-respect have certain standards and guidelines that mean something to them, and they work at living up to these ideals. When you make your choices based on what you believe to be right, it makes it much easier to face yourself in the mirror every day and feel proud of the way you are trying to live your life.

4) Your attitude towards the future, for the most part, is hopeful. You have positive, productive goals that you are actively working towards, and you encourage and support yourself in these endeavors. You believe that your own ideas and goals have merit, and you seek out and work to maintain situations and conditions that will make you happy.

5) You are willing to take risks in order to learn and grow. You are interested in life; you explore different places, activities, philosophies, interactions, and so forth. And you work on overcoming whatever fears and insecurities get in the way of your pursuits.

6) You believe you deserve to have good things in life, and you treat yourself well. You allow yourself to have and enjoy special things simply because you want them, without having to justify your reasons or “prove your worthiness.” You know that as long as you are not harming others, you are allowed to have anything you want simply because you want it.

7) You value yourself and thus you take steps to protect yourself and your lifestyle from people or situations that would have a negative impact on you. This involves steering clear of anything that might threaten your physical, emotional, spiritual, or financial well-being. This also involves recognizing and standing up for your rights as a human being -- you refuse to put up with behavior from others that is inappropriate, inconsiderate, or abusive, and you are able to say "no" to others without feeling guilty. When something is damaging your life in some way and it cannot be fixed, you are able to let go of it and move on. You value peace and tranquillity in your life rather than seeking "excitement" through turbulent situations, relationships, and dramas.

8) You are willing and able to be honest with yourself and with others, and you can evaluate yourself in realistic terms. You are able to make mistakes, learn from them, forgive yourself, and move on without being overwhelmed by feelings of guilt or failure. You are able to acknowledge your problems, and look for solutions. You don't blame others for your problems but rather you take responsibility for your own life.

9) You seek to establish and maintain friendships with people who add a positive influence to your life, and you are able to develop trusting, intimate ties with appropriate individuals. You allow others to love you, to be good and kind to you, and to give to you.

10) You are also able to spend time alone and enjoy your own company, without feeling empty, frightened, lost, or needy.

11) You strive to handle interpersonal conflicts in positive, productive ways. You try to seek “win-win” solutions to disputes whenever possible, and you are able to forgive both yourself and others and get on with your life. You recognize that others are responsible for their own lives, and you cannot change other people. You do not waste your time trying repeatedly to “fix” the people around you, nor do you get hung up on resenting people who do not live up to your ideals.

12) You are conscious of the fact that you are a part of a bigger whole and your actions often have an effect on more than just your own life, and you strive to act with caring and respect towards the environment and towards other living things.

Please be aware that the above list illustrates ideal conditions, and therefore it’s unrealistic to expect yourself to live up to all of it every minute of every day. Each one of us is constantly fluctuating and changing; we have good days, and not-so-good days, and we make mistakes, and sometimes we forget the things we've learned and revert back to old patterns. Therefore, while this list represents the ultimate goals to strive for, know that becoming unconditionally loving towards yourself is a process rather than an end result. As human beings, we keep growing and changing all of our lives; we never reach a point where we're "finished," so don't expect perfection from yourself.

However, there are many things you can do to along the way to increase self-loving feelings and behaviors. Here are some exercises you can use to strengthen your sense of self-love:

EXERCISE #1: Say loving things to yourself, out loud. Tell yourself that you are wonderful and special. Tell yourself that you have many great qualities. Tell yourself that you are a good person, well worth knowing. Practice saying "I like you" and "I love you" to yourself. You will probably feel silly doing this, but practice this several times a day anyway. You may also find at first that you feel unable to believe the wonderful things you are saying about yourself, but keep at it, and it will eventually start to feel true.

EXERCISE #2: Go back to childhood and start over. After all, it is the lack of feeling loved as a child that is usually at the root of diminished self-love in adulthood. Get out old photographs of yourself when you were little and take a good, long look. Talk to this child, and give her all the love she should have had. Tell him how smart and special and beautiful he is. Tell her that she can do anything she wants to in life. Tell him that he deserves to have all good things in life; she deserves to be safe and happy and healthy, and he deserves to explore and play, and she deserves to have people who love her and support her. It's easy to feel love and compassion for an innocent child, and once you get the hang of this, you can move forward in time by projecting love to yourself as you were as an adolescent, and then finally as you are today.

EXERCISE #3: Become your own best friend. Picture everything you've ever had or ever wanted from a great friend, and give these things to yourself. A best friend would cheer you up when you are down, give you sympathy when times are rough, laugh with you at life's funny moments, lend you a hand when you need it, and so on. When you feel in need of such a friend and none are available, just imagine a best friend in your mind, someone who really cares about you and has your best interests at heart, and ask yourself what this person would do. What would this person say to you, do for you, and want for you? When the answers come, take the advice and use it to help get through the situation at hand.

EXERCISE #4: Begin talking back to that nasty little voice inside your head. You know the one I’m talking about -- it’s the one that's always criticizing you and putting you down. Imagine that this voice comes from a tiny little troll doll inside of you, and every time it says something bad about you, stick up for yourself. Picture the "troll" in your mind, and speak firmly to it using phrases such as, "How dare you speak to me like that! I am a good person, and I am trying my best, and I do not deserve to be insulted or ridiculed. I deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, and understanding, and I deserve to be supported in my efforts to learn and grow." When you detach yourself from the negative voice inside your head and make it a “separate entity,” it's easier to come to the understanding that it is simply a thought-pattern in your mind -- one that cannot hurt you or control you unless you let it. And by recognizing that this "troll's" intentions are only to harm you and make you feel bad about yourself, you can see more clearly that such a voice is simply not worth listening to.

EXERCISE #5: Have more fun. Part of the joy of being “in love” -- in this case, with yourself -- is a sense of playfulness and laughter. Find ways to bring this joy into your life, by renting funny movies, reading humorous books, putting some music on and singing along, and so forth. Life will be much more enjoyable and feel much less like a chore if you inject some fun into your daily routines. Plus, you will probably find it easier to like yourself when you're smiling and upbeat. Aren't cheerful people always more enjoyable to be around than sullen, angry, or depressed people?

PART II: LEARNING TO LOVE OTHERS, written by Diana Lynn.
(This article is excerpted from her book “Soul-utions: Your Intuitive Makeover.” Diana Lynn is a graduate of the School of Energy Mastery and offers heart-centered empathetic healing services. She can be reached at: LoveDianaLynn@comcast.net)

We as individual human beings have a myriad of beliefs that steer our thoughts and actions in each and every moment, so we cannot expect to agree with our partners, our friends or any other persons on everything nor can we expect them to always agree with us. Therefore, since we can’t see eye to eye with everyone, how can we learn to love unconditionally?

One huge obstacle to unconditional love is that many of us cling to our beliefs out of a need for righteousness. We hold on to our beliefs with such an attachment that it can become a major drawback in our growth process and in serving our life purpose. We all know the imprisoning pain and frustration of being in conflict with others. When people butt heads and get into heated debates, their emotions can escalate into arguments, fights, or even war. To argue who is right and wrong is pointless, because there are unifying issues beneath the surface issues of what we disagree about.

What is your definition of right and wrong? Annoying little things like not hanging the toilet paper in the “right” direction or squeezing the tube of toothpaste the “wrong” way may get on another person’s nerves. So can more significant arguments over the “wrong” financial decisions and the “right” way to raise children. The anger that can surface from any of these situations is more likely from deeper complex issues of personal power, control, self-worth, self-responsibility and identity. The issue that shows itself on the surface of an argument is like the tip of an iceberg. If you were to look under the surface of the water or issue, you would certainly find a much larger iceberg or deeper problem blocking your view.

How can we ever expect to have peace amongst nations, when we still haven’t been able to figure out how to keep the peace in our own homes? Do we insist on satisfying our desire to be right, or do we want happiness? We are responsible for our own enlightenment. We are in charge of our own mental clean-up. Be aware that whenever you are angry and want to lash out at someone, what you are really feeling underneath is HURT, and you are actually crying out for love. Next time you get angry, why not take the symptom of anger out of the situation and ask yourself instead, “What hurts? What am I afraid of?”

When our beliefs are built around the temper tantrums of our egos, we can get caught up in playing the roles of aggressors and victims, and we continue to hold onto feelings of shame, guilt, mistrust, and unworthiness. However, if our beliefs are built on compassion, we can heal and give ourselves the opportunity to come back to Love. When we stop allowing ourselves to be dragged down into conflict, we can create a new energy field of self-love and self-respect around ourselves. And as we love and respect ourselves more, we love and respect others more, and people will start reflecting this energy back to us, because our inner attitude reflects our outer world. At this point, we become masters of our environment instead of allowing toxic things to take hold of us.

When we follow the guidance of our Higher Selves, we will learn compassion. We will discover that we do not have to mentally dwell on problems for hours or even days. Instead, we can create soul-utions. We will soon discover how to consciously respond lovingly in situations. We will learn to act, not react. By becoming responsible, we can eliminate blame, and learn to flow with the energies present instead of getting caught up or stuck in them.

I have found that spiritual principles are really quite simple. Love. Give Love. Go in Peace. Be in Joy. So then why is it so hard to live these principles? I have found that we unnecessarily complicate our lives. Most arguments occur because one person emotionally believes their viewpoint to be right and justifies that another’s viewpoint is wrong. Here come those beliefs into play again! You may or may not be right, but if you don’t let go of your need to control the situation, you can remain in a power struggle and not be at peace. And if you stay wrapped up in an energetic cocoon of being right, you end up in separation.

It is not our job to make a person right or wrong. When we release the need for righteousness and self-justification, we will release the desire to dominate and control. For what is right or wrong anyway? Is there really right or wrong? How can there be, if everyone’s frames of reference are different? Try seeing right and wrong as simply an opinion based on your own present belief system.

Every moment is a window of opportunity to come into the light of truth and mercy within. When I personally feel resistance to somebody or something, I have trained myself to ask myself this question: “Do I want this energy to win, or do I want to return to Love?” In choosing Love, I connect within for Love’s answer and then do what Love would have me do.

We can choose in any given moment to step into our spiritual mastery, or we can remain stuck in conflict. We can choose peace. Peace is more than just living in a state of existence between wars. We as individuals can mature and take responsibility for our own actions and deeds to give birth to a new age.

It is time to fulfill our magnificent potential by becoming fully conscious. It is easy to love people you get along with. Would you accept the challenge to give that kind of love to the entire world? Love is not something that you apply more to some people and less to others. It is unconditional. (Yogi Bhajan) said it beautifully: “If you can’t see God IN all, you can’t see God AT all.”

Can you come to the realization that the Light of Love is present in all people and all living things? As each individual takes full responsibility to discover oneness, our collective consciousness will restore the Divine Plan of Love on Earth. We can either continue to move toward extinction through the misuse of our willpower, or we can choose to consciously communicate and cooperate to achieve win/win situations.

Diana recommends working with the following questions in order to bring more love into your relationships:

1) Is there anyone in my life that I still feel a need to forgive? Can I see my part in the situation? Do I need to forgive myself for something? Do I feel regret? Do I still blame and judge myself for something that did or did not happen? What would I clear up in my life right here and now?

2) Am I allowing anything or anybody to currently pull me out of my center? Who am I angry with? Underneath the anger, what is really bothering me? What don’t I want to experience again? What hurts? What am I afraid of? Do I still need to be right, or do I want to be happy?

3) How have I judged others? Am I now willing to observe instead of judge? Am I mentally dwelling on a situation? What would Love do to neutralize and handle this situation? How can I better love myself and others?